“A little to the left! No, you're other left!” I shouted.
My yells were to my neighbor and all-around handyman, Adam Smith. He stood atop the peak of the roof of my ancient cabin-house. In his hands, and attached to the peak, was a large dish with a thick neck. That was my satellite internet dish, and after almost two weeks of the dark ages, I was about to re-enter the digital age. That is, if Adam got the dish pointed at the right spot in the cloudy sky before he slipped off the slick roof.
“Is that it?” he called back.
I stepped back a further ten feet from the house and shook my head. Little puffs of air spilled from my mouth as I tried not to shiver in the early fall-morning air. All around me was a white world of frost and fog. Autumn had slunk into the mountains and clung stubbornly to the frosty ground and air. I wrapped my arms around myself and rubbed my hands over my arms.
“No, a little farther!” I instructed him. He moved it a half inch. I raised my arms with my fingers outstretched, and my palms pointed toward him. “Stop! “That's it!” The rural internet company had given me the exact direction to point the dish, and by God, I was going to get my internet.
“Then can I come down? It looks like a thunderstorm is coming,” he told me.
I grinned evilly. “I guess, but it'd be interesting to see if a lightning x-ray of you would show anything not human,” I teased.
Adam slid down the metal roof and jumped over the edge. He landed a few feet from where I stood. A perfect landing. Did I forget to mention Adam was a werewolf? “It would only show human bones, but I must warn you that the smell of singed werewolf fur is most unpleasant.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Don't remind me. I still haven't gotten the smell of Ashton out of my nose.” Ashton was a former werewolf of the neighborhood, and bad news until we stabbed him in the chest with a staff embedded with specks of silver. Now he was pretty good fertilizer.
Adam scrutinized my face and pursed his lips. “Have you experienced any nightmares from that episode?”
I shook my head. “Nope, though I did dream I wore bunny pajamas at my workplace and everyone saw me. Speaking of the workplace, I really do need to check my email before everyone in the outside world thinks I'm dead.” I strode into the house with Adam close behind. My laptop sat on the coffee table in front of the couch. I tossed my coat onto the chair, plopped myself down on a cushion, and took control. In a minute, the computer was up and running, and I could see that it received a signal from the dish. “Looks like we have a connection.” I glanced up at Adam, who stood beside the arm of the couch. “Want to look for doggy porn?” I teased.
He snorted. “I have been on this internet and seen what it has to offer, and am not impressed.”
“You're just mad that it has more pictures of cats than dogs,” I returned. I clicked on my inbox and cringed when page after page of spam popped up. “Damn those companies selling my info,” I muttered.
Adam leaned over the back of the couch just behind my shoulder. “You seem in great need of housecleaning for your inbox.” He pointed at a Viagra ad. “Is there something you need to tell me before our relationship deepens?”
I sent the junk to the spam folder and glared at him. “Yeah, you need to stop reading over my shoulder.”
He leaned away and shrugged, but there was a smile on his face. “I only wanted to make sure my senses hadn't deceived me.”
“I'm just fine with my sexuality, thank you very much, and don't need you asking me about what I'm taking to stimulate my sex life, if I had a sex life.” I returned my attention to the screen and scrolled through the emails. “Uh-oh.”
“Uh-oh, what?” he wondered.
“My boss sent me half a dozen messages,” I told him. I opened the last one in the email thread, and the color drained from my face.
Adam leaned toward me and frowned. “Is something wrong?”
“Very. My boss wants to do a house evaluation with me, and he's going to be here tomorrow.” I slapped my hand over my face and ran it down my nose. “Why is he doing it this soon? And why does he have to bring along Bunny?”
“Bunny? He has a pet rabbit?” Adam guessed.
I sighed and shook my head. “No, worse. At least a rabbit's edible, though I suppose a human's edible for you.”
“So it's a human?” he continued.
“Yeah, and ‘it' is the right word for Mrs. Bunny Whinier. She's both his wife and his secretary, just to make sure he doesn't get any ideas about leading a double love life,” I explained.
“So she's very loyal to her husband?” he wondered.
I snorted. “That's the irony. She doesn't mind advertising her assets to anything that breathes and has a penis. I've heard some juicy stories involving her, some of my male coworkers, and the supply closet.”
“Sounds like an-ahem-interesting individual. And both your employer and his Bunny will be arriving tomorrow?” Adam mused.
I glared at him. “You might think this is funny, but this is a job evaluation. If he thinks I'm not working hard enough, he might dock me some income, and I won't be able to afford this place.”
That got his attention, and Adam frowned. “What do you need to do to gain a perfect score?”
I shrugged. “Show him some work, show that my home practically revolves around that work, and show that I can be a reliable contact.” I nodded at the screen. “I've got one point down for not getting back to him about his coming up here, so I've got to show him I'm at least working.”
“Have you written anything since you arrived?” he wondered.
I snorted. “How could I have time when I'm running around with a werewolf, being pestered by my neighbors, and almost getting eaten by a werewolf?” I pointed out.
“Point taken. What must you do to write and show that your home revolves around your work?” he asked me.
My eyes swept over the cabin. The roughly-hewn walls were still covered in cobwebs, and there was no organization to the kitchen. “Well, it might be a good idea to clean this place up and get the bed ready for my guests. They can't both fit on the couch, especially not with that pair of assets Bunny bought for her chest. As for writing, I just need somebody to take care of everything, and I might be able to get some done. Some of these emails are requests for articles.” Adam grabbed his coat from the chair and tossed mine at me. I caught it with my face and tore it off to glare at him. “What's the big idea?”
“Your employer arrives tomorrow, correct?” he asked me as he slipped into his coat.
“Yeah, but-”
“Then you will remain at my cabin while I work on yours,” he explained. Or, rather, kind of explained.
I narrowed my eyes at him and tossed my coat back on the chair. “If this is some way to get me into your bed, then I'm not going.”
He grabbed my coat and tossed it back, but at least this time I caught it with one hand. “No, this is some way of ensuring we remain neighbors so I may one day get you willingly into my bed,” he corrected me. I continued to glare at him, but I set the computer on the table and put on my coat. “Bring your computer. You can work while you're at my cabin,” he suggested.
“Knowing you're down here causing mayhem and destruction to my first and possibly only home isn't going to help me write anything,” I countered, but I grabbed the computer just the same. If anything, I could save that from whatever he planned.
He smiled and guided me to the front door. “I assure you I won't do anything quite as destructive as you imagine.”
“Uh-huh, so you'll leave the foundation in place?” I mused.
“Something like that, but let's get you home,” he insisted.
“You mean your home,” I corrected him.
“For now,” he returned. I would have argued, but he opened the door, and my breath was taken away by the blast of cool air that invaded my cabin. Adam swept his hand in front of me and bowed. “After you.”
